Past Secrets
by inatepaz
Summary: This is a story I wrote a while ago and am finally getting around to posting here. It deals with my thoughts on Johnny's upbringing. Reader beware, it deals with Child Abuse. Also for you Adam 12 fans the boys in blue make a breif appearence.


_**Past Secrets**_

Finally getting around to posting some of my stories here. My pen name on the other sites was already taken here so I am going under another name here. I had been formulating my own thoughts on Johnny's past and didn't know where to start. This was the perfect vehicle. I hope who ever stumbles across it will enjoy it. As I have seen at the beginning of a lot of other stories I will make the following claims: The characters in this story do not belong to me, I have only borrowed them for the enjoyment of writing this story. Please also note this story deals with child abuse.

An old VW bus pulled up to the fire station as Hank Stanley got out of his Ford Bronco. He couldn't help but stare at the psychedelic paint job on the old van as a man with waist length hair, tie dyed t-shirt, torn jeans and granny glasses hopped out.

"Hey dude" the man said as he approached Hank, "I was told that a Johnny Gage worked here."

"Yup that's right, he hasn't arrived yet though. Can I help you?"

"Yeah, like could you see that he gets this, and tell him sorry it's a little late," The man responded as he handed a crumpled envelope to Hank.

"Do you want to wait and give it to him yourself?"

"No man, the road's a callin and I gotta get rollin." The man flashed a peace sign, jumped back into the bus and pulled back on to the main street.

Hank shook his head as he went in to the station to tape the mysterious envelope to Gage's locker. This was starting out to be a very interesting day. To Captain Hank Stanley interesting was not always good.

Johnny entered Station 51 and walked to the locker room. He was running late and thankfully had anticipated the need to change into his uniform at home. Quickly slipping into the locker room, intending to just drop his gear off and grab his hat he noticed a letter taped to his locker's door. He sighed and slowly removed the letter, expecting another one of Chet's pranks. When nothing happened he sat down to read it. Flipping it over he recognized the return address.

Jack and Carol Kemp

12 Pinewood Way

Ft. Compass MT

The Kemp's. Johnny thoughts flashed back to the older gentleman who was his track coach in high school. The last time he had heard from them was about 3 years ago. They had sent a letter through Carol's brother Nick, whom Johnny had lived with briefly when he first moved to L.A. Jack was retiring and they were looking forward to traveling and hoped someday they would make it down to L.A. to see him. A big smile spread across Johnny's face as he thought about showing them around and introducing all his friends to the man who had meant so much to him.

Johnny ripped it open immediately. He eagerly read the letter anticipating the news it would bring.

_Dearest Johnny,_

_I wish I was writing with better news. I wish I could tell you this in person, but Nick's phone has been disconnected and I don't know how else to reach you. Jack has been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and the doctors are not expecting him to last very long. A month at the most. They wanted to try all these new drugs and treatments on him, but that is not what Jack wanted, he just wanted to come home and die peacefully. He has been asking for you. I don't know if it is possible, but if there is any chance you could come back for a brief visit before… well you know. It would mean a lot to him. He really thought of you as a son._

_Love, Carol_

Johnny looked at the front of the envelope again. The cancellation date was May 1st, 1973, over two months ago.

Moisture had formed in his eyes as he had read the letter. Now his eyes could no longer hold the liquid as tears ran down his face. Johnny cried. This was the first time in untold years that Johnny had cried. Thankfully he was alone for the moment. The world seemed to stop as he sat there, eyes closed, his head resting against the lockers. His breaths came in ragged gasps as he let the pain of loosing someone very close wash over him.

At that moment Roy poked his head in ready to joke with Johnny that if he missed roll call, Cap would have him cleaning the latrine for a month. What he saw brought him to a dead stand still. Roy had never seen Johnny cry, never. The pain that could be heard in each softly whispered "no" that escaped from Johnny's lips between sobs dropped Roy's heart into his stomach. Slowly he walked over and sat down next to Johnny and put a hand on his shoulder.

"John," Roy hesitated, "what's wrong?"

Johnny's breath shuddered as he tried to get it under control. With out looking up he handed Roy the letter. Roy read it carefully, the words in the letter hitting him like a lead weight. "Are you going to go?" Roy quietly asked.

"It's too late," Johnny replied. The pain in Johnny's voice tore at Roy's s heart. He handed the envelope to Roy. "She mailed it this past May. I found it this morning taped to my locker. I guess Nick, Carol's brother, misplaced it or forgot about it until now." Fresh tears streamed down Johnny's cheeks.

Just then Roy heard Cap's call for Roll Call.

Putting his hand on Johnny's leg he said "Stay here, I'll be right back". With that he got up and headed out into the bay to let Cap know what was going on.

As Roy approached, Cap could tell that something was going on and he could guess that it probably had something to do with that mysterious letter that was left for Gage. Roy looked upset and when Roy was upset it was a good chance Gage was upset too.

"Hey Cap, can I talk with you for a minute?" Roy asked as he approached Cap.

"Sure, anything wrong?"

"It seems that Johnny received a letter this morning,…"

"Yeah I know, some hippie in an old mini bus dropped it off as I was arriving."

That must have been this Nick that Johnny mentioned, Roy thought to himself.

Roy filled his Captain in as best as he could, "Well the letter was from an old friend of Johnny's. It seems that this guy, who I guess Johnny kind of saw as a father figure and who thought of Johnny as a son, was dying of cancer."

Cap put two and two together and did not like the answer he came up with, "Only the letter got here to late for Johnny to go and see him before he died. How's Johnny taking it?"

Roy shook his head, "Pretty hard, I just wanted to let you know what was going on cause I don't think he can make it to roll call."

"Should I call a sub in for him?" Cap asked raising his eyebrow.

"I don't know. Let me go see how he's doing first," Roy said.

"Tell him to not worry about roll call and to take some time"

Roy smiled half heartedly, "Thanks Cap. Oh, and Cap can you let the guys know a little of what is going on and to be sure that the Phantom wont strike today."

"Don't worry, I'm sure the Phantom won't pull any pranks today. And if he has any ideas other wise I'm sure I can find an opening at The Bottoms to transfer him to," Cap reassured him.

When Roy returned to the locker room he found Johnny standing in front of the sinks splashing cool water on his face.

"Hey Junior, how ya doing?" Roy asked as he came over to stand next to Johnny.

"Better, Thanks." Johnny replied with a little shake still in his voice.

"Cap said he would call in a replacement if needed"

Johnny shook his head, "No, I'll be okay, really" He sounded more like he was trying to convince himself of that fact. "Besides if I went home I would just sit there thinking. Staying here at least I'll be distracted."

As if on queue the tones sounded.

_Squad 51, see the man at 35 W. Carleton Dr. concerning chest pains. _

_Cross street Chaseway. Time out, 0717._

Roy and Johnny headed for the truck. "Everything okay?" Cap questioned as he handed Roy the slip of paper.

Roy checked the map on the wall, "He says he doesn't want to go home, that he would rather stay here and stay busy."

"Okay, but Roy, let me know if things get too much for him."

"Will do Cap." With that Roy hopped into the driver's seat, started the squad up and pulled out of the station. Johnny sat quietly in the passenger's seat staring out the window.

The day went pretty quick and the station stayed relatively busy. Johnny was quiet, but at least he wasn't moody. When the folks at Rampart asked if everything was okay, Roy simply informed them that Johnny had received a letter that a good friend had died.

The evening settled down and the guys turned in early hoping for an uneventful night.

The tones sounded at shortly before midnight waking Johnny from a fitful sleep. A sleep that was filled with images of a young boy with long dark hair. A young boy who was hit more times than hugged. A young boy who stood there, accepting the pain of the blows from the big fists of his stepfather. Knowing that if he tried to run, the "punishment" would only be worse when he returned. Knowing that if he didn't return, the pain he felt would be directed toward his two little sisters.

Johnny stepped into his boots and pulled up his bunker pants, following Roy and the rest of the station out into the bay and to the trucks as the Dispatcher sent out the call.

_Station 51, Station 18 respond to McConnell Park._

_Reports of fireworks and injured persons._

_Police also responding._

_Cross roads Stoneridge Way and Cumberland Dr._

_Time out 2345._

As the squad led the way to the scene Roy glanced over at his partner. He knew that Johnny had not slept very well. Moments before the tones had sounded Roy had woken to the sound of his partner tossing and turning in his bunk. He could hear Johnny mumbling in his sleep something that sounded like "no" and "please don't". The arm that he usually had casually flung across his face while he slept seemed more like a shield warding off some unseen danger. Now Johnny sat in the squad hunkered down into his turnout coat, the look on his face was that of a lost child.

"Hey Junior, you going to be okay?" Roy tentatively asked from behind the driver's wheel.

"Hmm" Johnny shook his head as if trying to wake up from a bad dream. "Oh, Yeah I'll be okay, just had one of those strange dreams where you're not really sure if you've woken up or not."

"Yeah, well, I hope you're a wake now because it looks like it is going to be a busy rest of the night," Roy said, wishing he had more time to talk to his partner about what was troubling him, as he pulled up to the park and saw several persons laying on the ground and several more milling around.. The two paramedics jumped out of the squad, their senses immediately assaulted with loud music and the stench of alcohol.

Johnny stopped abruptly, his stomach twisting into a knot. "God, I hate drunks," he muttered to himself. Roy over hearing his partner agreed silently. Drunks, especially drunks in large groups could be unpredictable and sometimes dangerous.

At the same time Officers Malloy and Reed pulled up in their cruiser and hopped out. Malloy walked up to Roy, "Any thing we can help with?" Malloy asked.

"Yeah Pete, could you see if you can get the music turned off and then get the crowd to back up a little so we can have some room to work." Roy replied as he scanned the scene. The crowd was made up of a small band of "hippies" that were obviously celebrating the recent 4th of July holiday. Roy could smell the faint sulfurous tell tale smoke of lit fireworks. He scanned the area a second time sizing up the number and severity of injuries. There seemed to be about 4 persons in need of medical attention here and a couple more on the far side of the picnic area. None of them seemed life threatening thankfully. Johnny was already heading over to one of the nearest victims, a young girl that looked to be about 11 year old laying on her side by a big tree.

"Hey Cap, when 18 arrives direct them over to the far side of the picnic area to check on those folks and have Marco and Chet check on the other two over here and start getting basic information on them," Roy shouted over his shoulder as he headed toward a young man in his mid 20's sitting on the ground holding his right hand gently in his left. He noted that Marco was heading toward a young woman sitting on the ground rocking back and forth with her hands over her eyes. Chet smiled as he trotted over to another young woman with a long flowing skirt that was hiked above her left knee. She was holding a cold beer bottle on her ankle.

"Sir, I'm a paramedic with L.A. County Fire. Are you hurt anywhere?" Roy said as he squatted down next to the man.

"Wow man, like my whole hand feels like it's on fire," he said as he extended his right hand and slowly opened it. Roy noted the long thin second and third degree burn on the palm of the man's hand. "The fairy's light looked so pretty I just wanted to touch it. Never thought it would burn so hot." The man was probably talking about sparklers Roy thought. People just never realize how hot they really burn. Roy poured saline solution on it and covered it with a sterile cloth. Roy checked vitals, a little elevated but with in reasonable range, and scribbled them on the pad next to the victims gender and approximate age. He made notation of the injury and treatment given. He turned to the man, "Hey mister, I have to ask, have you had anything tonight?" Roy asked, noting the smell of alcohol on his breath and the glassy look in his eyes.

"You know man, a couple beers, a little of this, a little of that. What ever was in the hat when it was passed. Ya dig."

"Yeah, I 'dig'," Roy replied and made a notation of possible narcotics of unknown quantity and substance according to patient. "Okay, you sit here. An ambulance will be here shortly to take you to Rampart General." Roy said as he headed to Cap and handed him the slip of paper to relay to Rampart. Roy looked around and noticed that at some point the music had been turned off and the crowd was thinning out and moving on. He glanced at Johnny and noted that he was still working on the young girl who was still curled up in a fetal position. Johnny was leaning over her gently brushing the hair off of her face and quietly talking to her. Roy started to head to his partner to see if he needed any help, but Johnny waved him off as he heard Roy approach, indicating he had things under control. Roy instead turned to the next victim, the lady sitting on the ground with her eyes closed. Marco was already by her side taking down the basic information.

When Johnny first approached the young girl, she was curled up into a tight ball, her face pressed deeply into her pulled up knees, her long dark hair fell in disarray. When he knelt down next to her he could hear her small voice whimpering, "No, please don't. I promise I won't do it again. Please."

Johnny's heart jumped into his throat. The chin strap to his helmet felt like it was choking him. Reaching up and removing his helmet, he slowly laid it on the ground and ran a shaky hand though his hair. The voice of the young boy in his dreams echoing the girls words in his mind. Johnny sat still next to her, knowing that the slightest touch could possibly send her further behind the walls he was sure she was building in her mind to protect herself. He spoke to her quietly and calmly. Using his voice to sooth her.

"Hey Darlin', its okay. I'm not going to hurt you." Johnny crooned over and over again. Slowly he started to make progress as he noticed her breathing starting to calm down and the tension in her arms start to relax. Johnny was glad that Roy had taken his cue and moved on to the next victim. He didn't want the appearance of another person to cause her to withdraw again. "So Darlin' do you have a name or do I keep calling you Darlin'?" Johnny quietly asked as he brushed a strand of long dark hair from her right cheek. Johnny couldn't help but think of another young girl with long dark hair, hair that he use to love to brush and put into braids. He hadn't thought of his step sister Amy in over 7 years. She was only 11 years old when he last saw her. 7 years since he had left the reservation and headed to L.A. He looked down at the young girl in front of him. Her breathing had calmed down even more and she had opened her eyes. Now she looked up at him.

"My daddy told me not to trust cops," the girl said quietly.

Johnny gave her his best grin. "Well now, I guess it would be okay to trust me because I'm not a cop. My name is Johnny, I'm a paramedic. I help take care of sick or injured people until they can get to the hospital. Are you hurt anywhere?"

The girl slowly sat up and Johnny saw the big ugly bruise that surrounded the small cut above her left eye. The girl looked up at him "My name is Kite," she said with a small smile.

"Kite that's a really pretty name, I bet you are about 11 years old." Johnny had taken her hand in his and was quietly taking her pulse and counting her respirations.

"Actually I just turned 10 last week. Do you really think I look like I'm 11?" Kite said shyly smiling.

"Oh, definitely 11 if not 11 ½. I have a younger sister who looked just like you when she was 11." Johnny smiled back. "That is a pretty big bump on your head. Do you know how you got it?"

Kite's eye's lost the little gleam that had started to form in them. She looked down. "I … uh… tripped and fell. I'm always tripping and falling."

Johnny frowned. He was all too familiar with the old "tripped and fell" line. His mind again raced back to a young boy with long dark hair who was always being brought into the reservation's clinic because he had "tripped and fell".

Johnny was so lost in thought that he did not notice Kite quickly backing away from him or the large man charging toward him. Next thing he knew two big hands grabbed him by his turnout coat and pulled him to his feet. "Get away from her." a big man bellowed as he sent Johnny flying through the air. The tree stopped his flight as he crashed into it, knocking the wind out of him. Standing up slowly he looked up to see a large man lifting Kite off the ground and shaking her. He could hear the man shouting at her.

"What did you say to him? What did you tell him?" the man bellowed.

"Nothing," Kite whimpered, "I just told him that I tripped and fell."

"I don't ever want to see you talking to anyone ever again. Understand me?" the man yelled as he raised his hand to hit her.

Johnny stepped up and grabbed the man's arm. "Don't hit her, she's just a kid."

The man turned and looked at Johnny with a hatred in his eyes that penetrated through all of Johnny's barriers and touched his soul. All of a sudden Johnny was 10 years old again and his step father was getting ready to beat the tar out of him for talking back. The big fist smashed into Johnny's face bringing tears to his eyes and the taste of blood to his lips. His arm came up to protect his face and the next blow came low hitting him in the rib cage. Breathing became difficult. Another blow to the head caught him behind the ear taking him to the ground. Johnny rolled into a ball, trying to protect his head, face, and chest which already felt like they were on fire. Unfortunately this left his back open and a vicious kick caught him on the shoulder blade. The shoulder had been hurt when he hit the tree; the kick brought the sharp pain of the shoulder dislocating. The next kick, aimed at the kidneys never made contact as two firemen and two cops tackled the man to the ground.

Captain Stanley had looked up from the paper with the information he was relaying to Rampart concerning the young woman with burns to her eyes when he heard a loud commotion near where Johnny had been treating the young girl. He knew something wasn't right when he saw Johnny standing by a large tree rubbing his right shoulder and a mountain of a man holding the young girl a couple feet off the ground shaking her.

Noting that Marco was busy walking the young woman whose eyes were bandaged to the ambulances and Roy was in the middle of splinting the ankle of the victim Chet had assisted, Cap finished his transmission with Rampart and stood to go over and assist the young paramedic who had step up to the man who was preparing to hit the young girl with his big hand. What he saw next made his heart clench in his chest and a surge of adrenalin rush through his body. He sprinted into action as the big man dropped the young girl and began to take his anger out on the youngest member of Station 51's A shift.

"Chet! Mike! Johnny needs our help." Cap yelled to his remaining two crew members to assist him in getting the behemoth off Johnny. Cap and Chet hit the big man around the waist as the two officers who were on the scene, Reed and Malloy grabbed his arms. Mike who was at the engine and furthest from the incident placed himself between the downed paramedic and the struggling man, shielding Johnny from any further injury. As soon as the officers had the man in handcuffs Cap rushed over to where Mike was trying to calm Johnny. He grimaced at what he saw and yelled for his senior paramedic.

Immediately Roy who had been watching the drama unfold in front of him rushed to Johnny's side and put a hand in the middle of Johnny's back, avoiding the injured shoulder. "Johnny. Johnny, can you hear me?"

Johnny curled in tighter to himself. Roy could hear him repeating over and over again in a small voice. "I'm sorry Strong Bow. It was my fault. I should be the one punished. Just leave Amy alone." Every word came out slow, paced, and deliberate as if it was practiced many times before. Roy wasn't sure who this 'Strong Bow' was or who Amy was, but he did know that he needed to calm Johnny down and get him to open up so he could determine the extent of his injuries.

Roy leaned closer to Johnny and in a voice he used to reassure Jennifer and Chris when they woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, he reassured Johnny, "It's okay Johnny, Strong Bow is gone and Amy is fine. Now we need to see how you are doing."

Johnny slowly allowed Roy and Mike, who had remained protectively at his side, to roll him onto his back. He clinched his teeth and let out a small hiss of breath as Roy checked his face, shoulder and ribs. The laceration on the face would definitely need stitches but at least it was lower on his cheek and would not affect the eye. The shoulder was dislocated, but hopefully there weren't any fractures. The ribs however were broken but it didn't seem like the lungs had been compromised. Roy leaned over Johnny, whose eyes were still closed, "Johnny, I'm going to check your vitals now." Roy clicked on his pen light to check for pupil reaction. As soon as he opened his partner's right eye and shown the light in it, Johnny blink and jerked his head back. Johnny blinked several more times and stared at Roy as if coming out of a dream.

"Roy? What happened? I remember this huge guy, he was threatening to hurt Amy…" Johnny paused and slowly shook his head. "No Amy's not here, I was helping a young girl named Kite." Johnny tried to sit up and look for the young girl. He didn't get very far before the pain from his injuries overwhelmed him and he sunk back down to the ground.

Roy put a calming hand on his partner's chest. "Don't worry about the girl, 18 is taking care of her. Now let's finish taking care of you."

Johnny tried to wave Roy off, "I'm fine, just a couple bumps and bruises," he grimaced as he once again tried to sit up.

He only made it half way when Roy gave him a stern look, "Listen Junior, either you lay back down and let me do my job or I'll have to call Cap and the rest of the station over and have them sit on you."

Johnny looked up at his partner and quietly lay back down.

"Hey Cap can you get me the drug box and the biophone." Roy called over.

Captain Stanley came up with the requested equipment and knelt down next to his injured man with a concerned look, "Hey Gage, how ya doing?"

"Honestly Cap, I think I have had better days," Johnny said as he gave his Captain a slight smile. "At least this time I won't have to ride on the back of the engine."

"I think we can arrange for a nice ambulance trip to Rampart this time around." Captain Stanley smiled and patted his paramedic on the leg.

Roy had finished taking Johnny's vitals and relaying them to Rampart. He turned back to Johnny, "Well Dr. Brackett wants me to start an I.V. D5W with an MS push, stabilize your shoulder and transport as soon as possible. That means we need to try and get your turnout coat off. Mike, I'm going to need you to help sit him up while I get his coat off."

They had already slid his left arm out of the left sleeve to get the blood pressure. Now they just needed to get it off of him the rest of the way. Mike Stoker hooked his hand under Johnny's left arm and slowly pulled him into a sitting position. Johnny's eyes clenched shut and he let out a long list of expletives. His breaths became shallow and ragged. Slowly Roy worked on getting the jacket off the rest of the way. As the coat passed over the injured right shoulder and was eased off the arm, Johnny let out a cry of pain, convulsed once and slid into unconsciousness.

Roy stabilized the shoulder and started the I.V. He knew the MS push would soon kick in and help to ease some of the pain. 18 had finished taking care of the rest of the victims and they had all been either released to see their own doctors in the morning or sent on ahead to Rampart. Reed and Malloy had sat Johnny's handcuffed attacker in the back of their unit. Reed was watching him while Malloy walked over to Roy, "How's he doing?"

Roy let a slow breath out before replying, "He's been in worse shape, but I'm sure he is going to be hurting for a while."

Pete Malloy put his hand on Roy's shoulder. He knew how it felt to be worried about the well being of a junior partner. "When he comes to, let him know that we'll stop by the hospital later to get his statement."

"Yeah, I'll let him know," Roy said as he helped load Johnny onto the stretcher and the stretcher into the back of the ambulance. Captain Stanley leaned his head in and told Roy that Marco would bring the squad over to Rampart and they would all meet him over there once they finished cleaning up the scene.

During the trip to Rampart, Johnny remained unconscious, caught in what ever demons and dreams that had overwhelmed him earlier. Or were they memories? Roy could see the pain and worry on his partner's face as Johnny tried to reassure the person in his dreams, Amy, that he was going to be okay. He talked of going to the clinic and that the doctors and nurses there would take good care of him because they always knew what to do for kids who 'tripped and fell' a lot. Roy got a sick feeling in his stomach. He had taken enough continuing ed. classes to know that repeat occurrences of kids 'tripping and falling' often meant abuse. He didn't know much about his partner's life before the fire academy. He knew that he had lived on a Reservation while growing up but he did not know anything about Johnny's family. Could he have been an abused child? At that point Roy made a promise to himself and Johnny that he would get to know more about his partner.

They arrived at Rampart and Nurse Dixie McCall and Dr. Bracket met them at the entrance. Roy passed the information on to them as they wheeled the stretcher into treatment room 2. As usual Dixie put her hand on Roy's arm and gently guided him to the doctor's lounge promising she would return with news as soon as possible.

Roy walked over to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup. He sat down and stared at the dark liquid. His mind played over everything that had happened in the past 19 hours. He needed to talk to Joanne. He looked at his watch, 1:50am. Thankfully Joanne was very understanding when it came to late night interruptions. As she often said, 'it's part of the job of being a fireman's wife'.

"Hey Jo, don't worry, I'm fine….No really I'm fine, actually It's Johnny, he got injured on a call…..Yeah he'll be okay, just a dislocated shoulder, some broken ribs and a cut on his face." He didn't tell her that a large mad man had tried to make mince meat out of his partner. "Listen, anyways hon, I was just thinking that Johnny's going to need some help around his place when he gets released and since your mother is going to be arriving tomorrow for two weeks, I thought that maybe on my off days I might hang out at Johnny's and give him a hand….Your great hon. I'll see you and the kids in a couple hours. I'm sure they'll probably keep Johnny until afternoon rounds. I love you Jo. Give the kids a kiss for me when they wake up. Bye." Roy leaned back and closed his eyes. Firemen have the knack for catching naps when ever and where ever needed.

The clock on the wall read 2:30am when Roy woke to his Captain's hand on his shoulder. "Hey Roy, Dr. Brackett just came out of the treatment room. He said that Johnny was awake and resting well enough, all things considered. Carlson from B shift came in early and is waiting at the station to finish out the shift for Johnny. If you want to pop in and check on Johnny before heading back we'll meet you back at the station."

"Thanks Cap. I won't be long. I'm sure they'll be giving him something to help him sleep for the rest of the night," Roy said as he rose from the chair.

Captain Stanley joined up with the rest of the guys coming out of Johnny's room and headed for the exit. Roy paused a moment before entering the treatment room. Slowly he poked his head in. Johnny was lying on the exam table propped up on some pillows. "Hey Roy come on in." Johnny said as he caught his partner's eye.

"Hey Junior, how you doing?" Roy asked coming closer to the exam table.

"Well you know, the accommodations suck, but the service is excellent." Johnny quipped back. The Morphine that the doctors had ordered for Roy to add to his IV was definitely making him feel 'okay'. "Unfortunately this shoulder is going to keep me out of action for a couple of weeks. I'm not even going to be able to drive my car. It's a shame too because earlier today I was thinking of taking a couple weeks off and headin up to Montana to visit Carol. You know the one who wrote me that letter. I guess I'll just have to wait even longer now." Johnny leaned his head back and closed his eyes against the sadness that threatened to overwhelm him.

Roy looked at his partner. It had only taken him a moment to make up his mind. "You know Johnny I have a lot of leave time built up and if I don't use it soon, I'm going to loose it. If you want, I could drive you up and back. That is if you don't mind the company. I'm sure Cap would approve."

"I don't know Roy, I couldn't ask you to do that. Joanne would kill me and wouldn't the kids miss you?" Johnny said shaking his head.

"Actually I already talked with Joanne about an hour ago. I told her that you may need some help the next couple weeks. She said it would be okay if I hung out at your place to help you out since her mother is coming into town for a couple weeks. Besides I heard Brice is looking to pick up some extra shifts, so actually you would be doing me a favor." Roy said.

"Well since you put it that way, I guess it would be okay. That is if you really don't mind." Johnny said.

"Not at all. That's what partners are for." Roy replied. At that point a nurse came in to give Johnny some medicine to help him sleep so Roy excused himself.

Roy stood out side the treatment room, wondering for the first time what he was thinking and what was he getting himself into. He walked over to the nurse's station where Dixie was standing. "Hey Dix, got a moment?" Roy asked.

"Sure Roy, what can I do for one of my favorite paramedics?" Dixie asked smiling up at Roy.

"Do you know anything about Johnny's past? I mean before he entered the fire academy?

"No, not really. Just that he moved here from Montana fresh out of High School and stayed with a friend's brother until he was accepted to the academy. Why do you ask?" Dixie replied.

Roy hesitated, how much should he say when he really didn't know the truth himself. He knew that Dixie wouldn't say anything so he took a deep breath and let all his concerns and suspicions come tumbling out. "It's just something that Johnny said when I reached him right after that guy attacked him. He mumbled something about it being his fault and that he should be the one punished and not Amy. Then on the ride in he kept talking to this 'Amy' person. Reassuring her that he was okay and that he was just going to go to the clinic were the nurses and the doctors knew how to take care of kids that are always 'tripping and falling'. Dix, those are the types of things they taught us to listen for in our child abuse awareness class. I mean, do you think it could be possible Johnny was abused as a child?" Roy looked up with a confused and almost anguished look on his face.

"Well, it sounds like it could be a possibility. The only way to know for certain is if Johnny decides to talk to you about it." Dixie said.

"Yeah, if he talks," Roy said quietly.

Dixie put her hand on Roy's arm and looked him in the eye, "If Johnny ever does decide to talk about his past just remember your training. Don't pity him. Don't judge him. Don't try to 'make things better' for him. Just be there to listen to him and accept what ever he decides to tell you. Oh and Roy be prepared for what you hear. Once you open that door you may not like what comes out but he will need to let it out. And what may have been done to him may disgust you, but it will be important to let him know that it is not him who disgusts you."

"Thanks Dix, I'll remember that. I'm going to drive him to Montana to visit the wife of that friend that passed away. Maybe he'll talk then," Roy said as he turned to leave. If his partner needed him, he would be there for him. Roy often thought of Johnny as more than a partner. More like a little brother. Roy hoped that Johnny would feel comfortable enough to talk with him.

Dixie sighed as she looked down at the paperwork in front of her. She looked at the watch on her wrist. 5:00am, two more hours until the end of her shift. Over all it had been a quiet night. The man with the burned hands and the young lady with the twisted ankle were bandaged up and sent home. The young lady with the flash burn to her face was admitted and in her room. The young girl, Kite, that Johnny had been looking after was admitted for 'observation' or until someone from children's services could be brought in. Pete Malloy and Jim Reed had stopped by around 3:30am to get a statement from Johnny, but the pain medicines and the shot they had given him to help him rest had left him in no condition to make a formal statement. Johnny was moved up to a room and Pete had said he and Jim would come back later. Looking back at her watch and then around the nearly empty ER Dixie decided to take a quick break before reports and shift change. She flagged down Carol who was just coming out of Exam Room 1. "Hey Carol, I'm going to take 30 minutes and go up to 4 west to check on Johnny Gage."

"Sure Dixie, take all the time you need. I'll call if we start getting over run." Carol said smiling. She knew how fond Dixie was of 'her' paramedics, especially Station 51's A Shift pair.

Dixie walked down the hall and took the elevator to the 4th floor. She stopped at the nurse's desk. "Hey Doris, how's Johnny Gage doing?" Dixie asked.

Doris Parks looked up from her charts. She was a little older than Dixie, and although she had only become a Nurse 7 years ago after raising her own two girls and going through Nursing School, many of the younger nurses and some of the doctors on her floor would often come to her for advise and help. She was the 'mom' of 4 West. Dixie counted Doris as one of her friends and when ever their schedules allowed the two would meet up after their shift, grab a cup of coffee, and shoot the breeze before heading home.

Doris smiled, "Hey Dixie, I was wondering when you would get up here. Your paramedic is in Room 412." Doris' face turned serious as she continued, "He's been really restless. He hasn't woken up yet, but I've gone in and sat and talked to him a couple times until he quieted down. He has some pretty nasty demons he's fighting."

"Thanks Doris, I appreciate you looking after him," Dixie said as she headed down the hall. She stopped and looked back over her shoulder, "Hey Doris, are you free after your shift? I could really use someone to talk to."

Doris nodded in understanding, "Shouldn't be a problem. I'll call home in a little and let Candee know that I'll be late getting home and have her tell Lyn when he gets up. Besides, I think the she and her dad were going to go out and practice parallel parking. She's only got a couple more months before her 16th birthday. Man, I don't know if I'm ready for my baby to be out there driving."

Dixie smiled and headed back toward room 412.

She opened the door slowly and walked in. Johnny laid there on the bed, his eyes closed. The sheets that would normally be neatly pulled up to his chest were kicked to the end of the bed as he squirmed and argued with the demons that plagued his rest. She sat on the edge of his bed and couldn't get over how much he looked like a little lost boy. She reached up and gently brushed a stray lock of hair from his eyes. She quietly reassured him, "its okay Johnny, you're okay now, we'll take care of you."

Dixie was surprised when Johnny pleaded back to her while still in his dreams, "Please don't make me stay here at the clinic. I'm okay, really. It's just a couple of bruises." Dixie shook her head and smiled. It seemed that even as a boy Johnny didn't like staying at a hospital and down played his injuries. She studied Johnny and decided to guide his dream a little further. "Now Johnny you know you are going to have to stay at least through the night. Why do you want to go home so bad."

Johnny squirmed in the bed a little more, eyes still shut, caught up in the dream. "I have to get back home. I have to get Amy and Emma breakfast and get them ready for school. If I'm not there and they wake mama, Strong Bow will get mad. I can't let him hurt them. He's their dad, not mine. It's okay if he gets mad and hits me. I got to get home."

Dixie's heart clinched and a tear ran down her cheek. How could anyone justify using a small child as a punching bag just because something made them mad. She leaned in closer to Johnny and rested her hand on his uninjured shoulder. "Don't worry Johnny, we'll make sure Amy and Emma are taken care of. You just rest." She leaned forward, gently kissed his forehead, and turned to head back down stairs. Pausing at the door she looked back at the sleeping man who was finally resting quietly. She would need to call Roy and let him know what she had learned. Dixie had a feeling that the trip to Montana was going to be a very long and emotional trip. Roy would need to be prepared with as much information as possible.


End file.
